As I was walking around today at my new job, I had an epiphany. It was one that I’ve had before, and one that I’ve lost track of and rediscovered before, but today it hit harder than ever.

Do not follow your skills, follow your passions.

I’ve gotten tricked into thinking that just because I was good about something meant that I was passionate about it, or that it was something I would succeed in. Skill doesn’t get you anywhere without the passion to push you through it though.

And as I weigh options and figure out what I am going to do, now that I’ve gotten out of my soul sucking old job, I need to keep reminding myself that. Being good at something does not always mean that it will be good for me, because, hell, I can be good at anything I set my mind too.

I am still figuring out my direction, but I have to remember to stick to my guns, no matter how sparkley something may appear at the moment.

And it is not this job that claims to be such a great opportunity. It isn’t for me because it is just following what I think I could be good at, especially since they are setting me up to be with them the rest of my life sort of thing. This is not the career move I want.

As geeky as it sounds, English is my career now. The more and more I think about it the more I know it can not be denied. And I need to stay on the road less traveled, because the road that “everyone” aspires too is not for me.

Good luck everyone, and no matter how hectic it gets read something.

This is the usual blog for me, though there are so few blog posts so far what really is “usual?” Anyway, this story needs a little bit of background information. Okay, a lot of background information in order for the blog title to make sense.

When I was younger, and a little bit more naive than I am now, I made the mistake of creating a screen name with an indication of my feminine gender in it. (If any of you want to talk to me, I will email you my screen name, but do to the stuff I’m about to discuss I hesitate to put it up) I thought it would save any ambiguity in the faceless world that was the internet back then.

Well, the punishment for that clarity is the fact that I get the gambit of men trying to picking me up. They ranged from honest, lonely guys who don’t really mean any harm by it, that I will try and befriend to the guys who start out the conversation “a/s/l” and immediately progress to: “u got cam, want cam sex?” Block buttons are good for those.

There is also the odd group of men from the middle east, who, upon learning I am American, suddenly think I should come to their country and marry them. I’m not trying to concur with stereotypes, and I’m not saying this applies to all, but it has been a repeated trend in my internet experience, though I would be the first to say it is not a large percentage of their population. However, because my screen name contains “lady,” I somehow manage to attract those who are of that thought. And really want American citizenship or cam porn or something.

These rashes of strange but short conversations come and go in waves, and now, I am getting to the point of my long ramble. I was having one such conversation with a guy, that quickly progressed down the trail of “so… what u look like.” Normally, the response would be to Google the fattest, ugliest person (i switch back and forth between women and men) and send it to them, just to see how long they will continue with the conversation after, but because of the method of the conversation (email to cellphone, don’t know why, but as long as it wasn’t clogging up my texts, I was willing to try and make a friend) I wasn’t so sure how an picture would translate.

So, when he asked, and the typical revulsion filled the pit of my stomach, I typed back “my looks mean nothing.” The response I got back and this is a direct quote: “Your Probubly kinda cute but dont think so then.” I proceeded to explain that I did indeed have a boyfriend, and so my looks meant nothing to him.

All this time, a line from the Disney movie Aladdin was replaying itself over and over again in my head: “I am not a prize to be won.” Something about that line I heard when I was a little girl stuck with me, and bubbled up to the surface then. Many times, still, especially in the realm of the internet where the man is safe behind the shroud of anonymity, women are seen as prizes to be won. Things to be won based on their beauty and not on anything that lies below the skin.

Just makes me a little sad because I thought seriously that the internet would make it easier to connect to people based on ideas and personality, not on how cute you are and whether or not you are willing to post whorish pictures on Myspace.

Readers, any thoughts on how the internet leads people to interact, and how appeareance distracts from perhaps more important and meaningful ways to bond. Or am I just out on a limb and should just learn to catch up to the times, and let go of these grandiose ideas?

Take care,
The English Literature Addict

I apologize for the lack of entries. Blogs for me come in two varieties, drought or downpour, but usually drought.

Truth is, I have been studying for the GRE English Literature Subject test, and therefor have not done any real reading of literature for the last month. Sounds a bit backwards, right? Well, I discovered rather quickly after taking a practice test that the sort of knowledge I possess in literature, the deep detailed knowledge of a few pieces and the desire to add more, was not the sort of knowledge that would do me any benefit for this test. No, what I need is the more trivia like, jeopardy esc knowledge that one does not gain from being a Photojournalist student with an English minor.

But then, any Undergrad English majors now studying for this test, did your studies give you the sort of knowledge you’ve seen in the practice tests?

Its frustrating, this studying, because I miss actually reading. I’m keeping track of the books I’m reading about and want to actually READ, but still…

I know this is not the sort of academic learning I have to look forward too in grad school, the cramming without any discussion or real comprehension, but if I’m going to get into a good grad school, I have to play by the laws of bureaucracy and the torture of standardized testing in a subject that does not lend itself to such bounds.

And a note on the language in this post: I’ve been reading the Norton Anthologies of English Literature, I’m up to the 18th century, and yes, this is affecting how I write and talk at the moment. My workmates would concur, and yes, it is REALLY bothersome.

Current Audio Book: Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen

I pondering today the nature of education and learning. I know many consider education to be a means to an end: to learn the skills and knowledge in order to get a better job, but the more and more I think about it, the more I realize thats not how I see things. I love learning for its own sake, the insatiable desire to learn more, see more, understand more.

I know I gets some weird looks for spending my days of reading the densest books I can get my hands on, without the motivator of having a class to learn for. Its not like I’m an intellectual snob, I just enjoy the challenge of plowing through them and understanding them.

It keeps me going when I’m a human machine at work.

It is saddening though, when I see people throwing away their chances at learning. I will admit to skipping the occasional class, but usually when I was actually sick or in too much pain to get to class. It doesn’t make sense to me though, to skip classes, especially if you are paying so much for them at the university level. Maybe someone can explain to me how skipping classes works out in the long run.

Right now I would kill to be able to go for classes, I miss the academic lifestyle so badly it hurts. I envy them so much. But soon enough I will be applying to grad school, and hopefully joining the ranks of academia once again.

Its just been a frustrating day, can you tell?

Take care, dear readers.
The English Literature Addict

Current Book: The Hero of a Thousand Faces, by Joseph Campbell.

Hello, my name is Suzanne, and I am a former photojournalism student.

Yes, the similarity to Alcoholic’s Anonymous is meant, though, if any of my old professors come across this, know that its not your fault. I just realized that I had lost the passion for photojournalism long ago.

But I wasn’t completely lost. Sitting in the airport looking up literary criticism to the book Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, for FUN, I realized something. I realized that one, this isn’t normal behavior, and two, that maybe there was something here I wouldn’t loose my passion for after a few years of intensive studies. I always loved the days when I came home from class and had to do a pile of reading for my English classes, while I dreaded going out and working on my photography assignments. Looking over my school report, I realized that my photojournalism GPA was bringing down that of my English minor.

Truth be told, I felt pretty stupid for not seeing it sooner, before I graduated.

So, now, I am in transition. Because of deadlines and when I made the decision, I will not be able to go back to school to gain my masters and eventually PhD until Fall 2009. And considering my job, not a bad one, but a mind numbing exercise that involves my hands but never my mind, it feels like a long way away.

This is the genesis for the title of the Blog. I’m a former student trying to continue the student lifestyle. Not the partying, but the part that most people couldn’t wait to be done with, the pursuit of knowledge. I’m an addict going to the local university library on my days off from a 6 day a week job to grab any book that might be interesting, trying to get my fix. And maybe this Blog is an attempt to have a forum for discussion.

Feel free to recommend books for me to read. If I come across something interesting in what I’m reading, I’ll write about it.

Have a good day,
The English Literature Addict